Playwriting, “The Scary Man Plays” Excerpts

A series of short, daily-written plays exploring, love, loss and a few laughs.

NO. 2:  “SERIOUSLY, SCARY MAN …”

The year is 2008. SCARY MAN stands at crowded bar, awaiting service. He’s scribbling on a napkin. TIME passes.  Eventually a WAITRESS brings him a Stella. He’s then approached by a woman who clearly knows him.

NICE WOMAN: Scary Man, I need your advice.

SCARY MAN: And I’ve got some for you: Don’t bet money on the Broncos until they prove they can win a playoff game without John Elway at quarterback.

NICE WOMAN: Oh silly, everyone knows that but Amy Board. No, I need your advice about women.

SCARY MAN: Well, I’m clearly the expert. My longest relationship lasted 42 seconds.

NICE WOMAN: I know, that’s why I’ve come to you. It’s about my son. He’s 24 and has no idea how to approach women. What would you tell him?

SCARY MAN: Well when I find someone attractive, I run a background check at work. That way I can get her address, phone number, social security number, credit rating and criminal history without actually having to speak to her. It makes the inevitable stalking that much less confrontational. … That’s just how I do it, though.

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